Lover is the best Taylor Swift album in years. After the generic cash grab of 1989 and whatever the hell Reputation was, it’s nice to have something from Taylor that I can get behind again. Like the Red album, Lover blends the endearing sweetness of Taylor’s earlier work with the top forty production that’s made her the world’s biggest pop star. It’s the perfect balance.

But we need to talk about Taylor’s newfound wokeness. And by talk, I mean drag and ridicule because this fake political awakening she’s had might be even worse than the entire fucking Witness era.

I mean, talk about being late to the party. While most celebrities have been self-identifying as “activists” and melting down over Trump for close to five years, Taylor’s only now going through the usual cliches of waving rainbow flags around and talking about feminism. Girl, where have you been? If you’re going to do the whole Hollywood woke thing at least try and move the needle a bit and lick an abortion cake like Miley. Even Katy was ballsy enough to shave her head like it was the Lilith Fair. 

Taylor’s doing the bare minimum, prancing around with transgender celebrities in “You Need To Calm Down” or having a black love interest in “Lover” when literally every boyfriend she’s ever had is whiter than snow. Oh Tay Tay, you love the brothers now? How convenient! It’s all such lazy, contrived, corporate virtue signalling designed to sell records. It’s not coincidence that her new image coincides with a new record label and management. And if she’d never received (unfair) backlash for being apolitical, she probably wouldn’t have even bothered with any of this in the first place.

The worst example of Taylor the fake-woke warrior is “The Man”. While it’s arguably one of the best songs on Lover, the hypocrisy in the lyrics is astounding. Like always, Taylor’s manipulating the media and playing the victim again, but this time she’s using feminism to do it. Let’s go through it together:

I would be complex, I would be cool / They’d say I played the field before I found someone to commit to / And that would be okay for me to do / Every conquest I had made would make me more of a boss to you

Everybody thinks Rihanna is complex and cool when she mows through men. People criticise Taylor because she walks around like some “oh gee golly shucks!” doe-eyed virgin then throws her boyfriends under the bus in her songs for publicity and personal revenge. Nobody has a problem with strong confident women dating around, we just don’t like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

I’d be a fearless leader / I’d be an alpha type / When everyone believes ya / What’s that like?

Everybody did believe Taylor, then she got caught lying and bending the truth so everybody now thinks she’s full of shit. How is that difficult to comprehend? And she’s already been depicted in the media as a fearless alpha type during her squad era, which was actually a PR stunt to change Taylor’s image from maneater to girl power. What a delusional narcissist she is to even write these lyrics. 

I’m so sick of running as fast as I can / Wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man / And I’m so sick of them coming at me again / ‘Cause if I was a man, then I’d be the man

She’s literally the biggest pop star in the world and one of the most successful artists in HISTORY and she hasn’t even turned 30 yet. How much faster does she want to “get there”? I can’t think of one living male musician that’s bigger than Taylor Swift. I guess when you’re as power hungry as ol’ Tay Tay that being No. 1 is never enough.

They’d say I hustled, put in the work / They wouldn’t shake their heads and question how much of this I deserve / What I was wearing, if I was rude / Could all be separated from my good ideas and power moves

Who said that Taylor doesn’t work hard? Some haters on Twitter or something? Who cares. And every single successful person in life gets less successful people questioning whether they deserve it or not because most people are jealous. That’s life. Most of the media attention Taylor gets is so fawning you’d think she was writing the articles herself. She had ONE rough patch after the Kim and Kanye thing, and she was so rattled by getting bad publicity for once in her career that she wrote an entire album about it that sold 1.2 million copies in its opening week. She is NOT a victim.

And they would toast to me, oh, let the players play I’d be just like Leo in Saint-Tropez

Most people think Leo is a disgusting douche, they just like his movies. Also, Leo doesn’t purposely use his gross dating life in his work or parade his barely legal arm candy on the red carpet. Taylor uses her famous boyfriends in her songs, at least partially for publicity, which brings a different kind of scrutiny than if she was simply keeping her private life private. 

If I was out flashing my dollars / I’d be a bitch, not a baller / They’d paint me out to be bad / So, it’s okay that I’m mad

Nobody cares when Beyonce and Rihanna and Iggy and Mariah and JLo and Lady Gaga flash their wealth and success. Get over yourself, Taylor. 

With all that said, stream Lover because it’s great! Just leave “London Boy” and the awful Dixie Chicks ballads off – those two are so bad they almost torpedoed the entire album.