tahiti phone number
For many K-pop fans, TAHITI is their flop girl group of choice. They have all the ingredients to become the perfect trashy bias –shamelessly plagiarized songs, constant lineup changes, an agency nobody’s ever heard of, and absolutely zero hits– but for some reason they’ve never quite clicked for me.

That is until now.

The group’s new single “Phone Number” is a late entry into the sexy concept trend, but a welcome one nonetheless. It’s about phone sex, and it sounds like it belongs in some late night 1-800-NAUGHTY advertisement from 20 years ago.

Give me, PHONE, PHONE, PHONE, PHONE NUMBAH,” the girls moan while dialling their vaginas like old-school telephones. “CALL, CALL, CALL, CALL ME BAY-BEH.”

It was apparently produced by Brave Sound, which means that TAHITI couldn’t actually afford Brave Brothers himself so they had to go with one of the other producers at his agency–just like STELLAR did with Sweetune’s B-team. And just like STELLAR, it worked out perfectly. You still get the overall sound of the A-list hitmaker, without the lazy note-by-note cut-and-paste formula that someone like B.B. throws to all the less successful acts.

I thought that I’d be over the Brave-produced sexy concept formula in 2015, but “Phone Number” has convinced me otherwise. I do kinda wish that SISTAR19 or Ailee had released this at the top of last year instead (Hyo and Ailee would slay those diva vocals, and that pissweak rap has Bora’s name written all over it), but it suits TAHITI too.

“Phone Number” isn’t charting anywhere and K-pop fans are so over this shit by now that it’s not even going to get noticed enough to generate any controversy, so enjoy TAHITI’s latest failed comeback while you can. I wouldn’t be surprised if the group disbanded after this era wraps up (this feels like a last-ditch effort for relevance before folding for good), but at least they’ll get to go out on a high note with the best song, video, and choreography they’ve ever done.

TAHITI, we salute you.

[Notice at 1:50 the blonde member forgets the choreography? Dying.]