4ten why
Late last year before 4TEN debuted with the $2 “Tornado,” they released a few promising teasers and media play articles that made me foolishly believe they were going to be K-pop’s next big girl group. Once they debuted I discovered that they were actually just a bunch of gangnam unnies who had spent their entire budget on bad plastic surgery and I quickly forgot all about them.

The girls returned yesterday with their second single “Why,” and after watching it as a joke to check out their latest nips ‘n’ tucks, the song ended up getting stuck in my head and I found myself half-seriously, half-ironically stanning for the group.

“Why” sounds like a REALLY CHEAP dance remix of an early-2000s pop-rock single, and I can’t get enough of it. I didn’t mean to get so addicted, it just happened by mistake after I replayed the MV too many times to laugh at the member that looks like a creepy Cabbage Patch Doll that somebody left next to an open flame for too long.

Speaking of the members, I am absolutely obsessed with 4TEN’s lineup. They have a plastic power vocalist who looks 32 (apparently she’s 22), the most terrifying gangnam unnie you’ve ever seen in your life, a rapper that has no business being an idol (I’m putting it nicely), and a pretty maknae who’s a natural beauty and looks like she accidentally stumbled into the wrong group on her way to audition for Cube or JYP.

I also found out that 4TEN is legitimately talented. Kind of. The so-called ’22’ year-old can sing her ass off, and the unfortunate-looking rapper can actually rap circles around your fave. Seriously, she should be trying to make it in the Korean hip-hop scene instead of trying to be an idol where her visuals will never allow her to be successful. I wouldn’t be surprised if she already had some buzz as a rapper before joining 4TEN, because I can’t think of any other reason why she’d get signed by an agency and put into an idol group with a face like that.

The maknae is useless, but she’s pretty so she gets a pass, and the plastic princess with eyes like a bad Margaret Keane painting has a Qri-like uselessness to her that ends up becoming flawless (she also raps too, but she’s really bad at it). Also, there’s no way that Qri 2.0 isn’t the real visual of the group–whenever she’s on screen you just can’t look away!

I’m in love with 4TEN and I’m considering making them my official favourite low-tier trainwreck girl group bias of 2015, although I’m going to have to see how TAHITI’s upcoming sexy masturbation concept comeback goes before making any final decisions.