jolin tsai play
Over the past few years Jolin Tsai has transformed herself from a decent C-pop star into the most fabulous fucking thing on the face of the planet. If Kylie and Gaga became lesbians, got married, and adopted a daughter from Taiwan, that daughter would be Jolin.

The porcelain-skinned princess left me crying glitter and lube with every extravagant single she released from 2012’s Muse, and her brand new album, Play, is no different.

Following the flamboyant “Phony Queen” (which is scientifically proven to be 49.7 times better than Mother Monster’s “Telephone”), Jolin is back with “Play” — and this time she’s rapping!

Yes, the high-fashion, rail-thin diva with nail polish that’s more expensive than your home, car, and college tuition combined is now going HAM and spitting rhymes with so much ferocity that Tupac himself may just rise from the grave to hand over his hip-hop crown to Jolin.

Listening to Jolin telling motherfuckers that they can’t play if they don’t pay over a flurry of electro-hop and synth-pop, you get the sense that she listened to all of G-Dragon and CL’s recent output (including their Diplo/Skrillex collaboration, “Dirty Vibe”), and then figured out a way to combine them all into something way better and gayer.

Yass bitch, “Play” is that snatched.

The music video is actually just a lyric video (so far), but it’s so pink and ridiculous that it could easily serve as the official MV, no problem.

In the one-take clip, Jolin chills in a bath of diamonds with her hair in gold rollers as she sips champagne and throws money around, all while a model-turned-butler stands beside her and gets crunk like he’s in Lil Jon’s “Turn Down For What” video.

You know you’re a real bo$$ bitch when your lyric video alone is shitting on official music videos — director’s cuts and extended-versions included.

When I die, I want to come back as Jolin Tsai.

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