jeannie hsieh feature
Some of you might remember the undisputed Princess of China Jeannie Hsieh (Rihanna could never) from her hit “Sister” last year. The music video for the electro-pop anthem went viral because it ripped off a bunch of famous K-pop stars like 2NE1 and Girls’ Generation, subsequently introducing Taiwan’s most stylish, glamorous, youthful, fierce, and fabulous 39-year-old MILF to the world.

The EDM empress is now back with a new single, but I don’t know what it’s called because it’s in Chinese or Taiwanese or whatever. I asked my Chinese lăogōng to translate it for me, and he said it’s something about flourishing or prospering — which, in English, obviously means GET MONEY BITCH.

“Get Money Bitch (Flourish and Prosper)” follows a similar formula to “Sister,” with club-friendly synth beats, a shrill autotuned hook, and post-chorus Big Room drops. And just like “Sister,” the song goes haywire in the last 30 seconds, although this time the entire production is changed into a cacophony of mental military drums and faux brostep.

Taiwan’s shining star Jeannie knows what her loyal followers want, so I appreciate her wisdom in choosing to birth “Sister Part II” for all of us measly peasants who need to live vicariously through her just to get through the day.

Jeannie returns to her plagiarizing roots for the official music video, stealing Girls’ Generation’s “Paparazzi” and “Mr. Mr.” tuxedo dresses, and them merging them together to create the must-have outfit of the Fall/Winter 2014/2015 season. The plastic fantastic diva also dances her incredibly skinny ass off like she’s sweet sixteen and not pushing forty, wears a gigantic golden dress made from shoes and handbags, stares at the camera while a wind machine blows her silky mane in slow motion, and strikes a stern pose in a sterile room filled with CGI zebras.

In Jeannie Hsieh’s world, you can never be too thin, too rich, or too plastic, and accessorizing with a bejeweled crown or gold spiked shoulder pads is not only acceptable, but encouraged.

Bask in her glory, bitch.

jeannie gif