Today is a very special day for me. You could even call it a MOMENTOUS OCCASION in my history as a K-pop fan. It’s the day that I’ve decided to stop treating VaG.NA like an embarrassing mess that must be hidden away in shame and stanned for in secret. It’s time to publicly declare my love for VaG.NA and worship her as the true awkward derpy-faced cutsie sex bomb goddess that she is!
I really thought VaG.NA would be a goner going up against Hyosung’s solo debut, but I’ve actually played her new single almost as much as I have Hyo’s. Titled either “Pretty Underwear,” “Pretty Lingerie,” or “G.NA’s Secret” (the lingerie one sounds the best so we’ll go with that), the Duble Sidekick-produced song could be sung by any idol, from A Pink and Hello Venus to the post-Janghyun Sunny Hill. But since I’m the guy that listens to Brave Brothers’ cut ‘n’ paste hits on repeat for hours every single day, that’s hardly a problem for me. Unlike cloned American pop songs that just make you wanna stab someone in the neck with a fork, faceless recycled K-pop jams are OFF THE CHAIN! Like, GIMME MOAR!
However, as much as I love “Pretty Lingerie,” it’s still super wrong and degrading to women and totally creepy. The lyrics are all about how Kween VaG.NA just wants to put on makeup and wear nice underwear so guys will pay attention to her, and the music video has some disgusting freak spying on her in Victoria’s Secret as she gets changed, before later sniffing her discarded panties. I get that VaG.NA’s vagina is a prized treasure that’s lusted all over the land, but this perverted shit is wrong on every level — especially considering that VaG.NA simply laughs off the offence like it’s just some good-natured folly instead of the heinous sex crime that it really is.
Actually, that the hell am I saying? This shit is amazing! It’s probably the whole reason that I finally feel comfortable being open about my love of VaG.NA after repressing it for all these years.
Used pantie huffing aside, the rest of the “Pretty Crotchless Thong” MV is PERFECTION. I love the styling, the choreography, the modernized version of SECRET’s “Shy Boy” set, and the extreme lighting used to make VaG.NA look 25(ish).
So far this song is flopping on Melon about as hard as “Oops!” did, but I’m hoping it’s just a slow start for what is now my favourite cutsie K-pop comeback since A Pink’s defining “Mr. Chu.”
G.NA >>> U.S.A.