Orange Caramel Catallena
The thing to do right now is to rave about how Orange Caramel’s “Catallena” comeback scalped, slayed, sliced, diced, squished and squashed 2NE1 and Girls’ Generation’s comebacks. I’m not going to say that because Mr.Mr. is life and I’ve already forgotten that Crush even exists, but I will second the general consensus that “Catallena” is everything and did not disappoint despite the high pre-release hype.

After serving up euro-trot (a genre they stole from Gangkiz’s “Honey Honey”) on their last official single, 2012’s “Lipstick,” Orange Caramel stick to campy euro-cheese on “Catallena” by mixing various disco genres together — namely Italo disco (also stolen from Gangkiz), Eurodisco, and classic string-heavy Gloria GAYnor disco.

In other words: Europe, disco, and Gangkiz’s IMPACT!!!

Gangkiz gif

To make things even camper, there’s a touch of lesbianism (also stolen from Gangkiz) in the lyrics.

Oh my, she’s so great, I’ve fallen for her
Even as a girl, I can see she’s so great
She’s temperamental but I want to see her
I want to know her, I want to dance with her

Poor t.A.T.u. must be wishing that they hadn’t pulled the plug on their comeback so soon, eh?

The chorus also throws some long overdue shade at the thieving Rainbow Pixie with a condescending “hoi hoi hoi,”  which in English translates to, “Bow down, you fuck-ass flop bitches.

Rainbow Pixie

Like Orange Caramel’s past videos, the “Catallena” MV is viral-worthy and would be sweeping the MTV VMAs if there was any justice in the world.  On the surface it’s just OC dressed as mermaids and sushi, but After School Daze has thrown together a nice analysis explaining it as a metaphor for girl groups in the music industry and the recent sexy concept craze.

OC isn’t the first girl group this year to use their music as a way to comment on female idols in the industry — STELLAR did it with the confronting “Marionette” (a point that was sadly lost on many), as did Rainbow Blaxx with “Cha Cha” (a point that was sadly lost on ME until I finally figured it out and repented a month later). However, OC’s the first to lambaste the sexy concept without actually doing a sexy concept, and their take is definitely the wittiest and most dynamic of the bunch.

Meanwhile, sewage-for-brains Blackjacks are currently over-analyzing that gaudy-sci-flop-Blade-Runner-wannabe-piece-of-garbage known as “Come Back Home” as if Philip K. Dick himself wrote the treatment.

When will these fools learn to appreciate K-pop’s true masterpieces, like “Catallena” and the Rainbow Syndrome mini-albums?

Anyway, nobody can ever say that After School are flops again after OC’s comeback. Not only is After School’s subunit more popular and successful than 50% of the girl groups in K-pop today, they also now produce the greatest J-pop to ever come out of K-pop since hooking up with Shinichi Osawa for “Heaven” and “Shh,” and their stripper pole routine won the 2014 sexy concept comeback battle even though it came out in 2013 and technically wasn’t actually a part of it.

P.S. “Bubble Bath” is still Orange Caramel’s best song and always will be.