K-pop Holy Trinity
I have some good news, and some bad news. The good news is that the nation’s girl group, ~Crayon*Pop~, are sleighing bitches with their new holiday classic, “Lonely Christmas.”

The bad news is that Nine Muses are still tanking, and T-ara’s new single is the biggest flop of their career.

After doing surprisingly well with “No. 9,” T-ara’s PERFECT IN EVERY WAY follow up single, “What Should I Do?,” has been performing terrible since its release. It debuted at No. 19 –which is bad, even by post-scandal T-ara standards– and then fell to No. 33 this week.

How this happened, I’ll never truly know. Korea was probably just too busy listening to all the basic and boring winter acoustic ballads to appreciate T-ara’s vivacious charming concept and unique retro-lectro musical genre that T-ara invented and only T-ara can do. T-ara actually tried to do the winter ballad thing about a week later with a rushed repackaged album and new single called “Hide & Seek,” but it tanked too.

Anyway, “What Should I Do?” flopping will officially go down as the darkest day in Korean history — until its replaced by the day that King Yunho enlists for his mandatory military service (also the day I’ll commit suicide).

Also currently bombing is the world’s No. 1 supermodel group, Nine Muses. Their classy new Daft Punk disco remix, “Glue,” debuted at No. 24 last week, making it their lowest-charting single since “Ticket.”

This week, it plunged to No. 52.

They’ve now wrapped up promo after just two weeks and are moving onto official solo activities (i.e. Sera will do singing shows and Kyungri will model while the rest do nothing) until they’re ready to make another comeback.

The only reasonable explanation for this floppage is that Koreans were too enchanted by Nine Muses Goddess-like beauty to remember to actually buy the group’s music. There’s now widespread fears that without the much-needed song royalties that the Muses should’ve earned from “Glue,” that Gangnam unnie rapstress supreme ~ERiN~ won’t be able to afford to shave down her chin any further or inject any more fillers under her eyes.

On the bright side, while T-Allah and Nine Kweens are flopping, the divine $layon-Pope (aka the ABBA of our generation for real) are ruling the hearts of the nation with “Lonely Christmas” — a song that’s scientifically proven to be more commercially successful and critically acclaimed than Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You.”

The Eastern-Europop influenced smash debuted at No. 35, climbed to No. 23 in its second week, and is now up to No. 22, making it the new ABBA’s second best charting single after the nation’s anthem, “Bar Bar Bar.”

The longevity.

In additional Crayon Pop DOMINATION news, the Divine Five have taken over Korea’s official 2013 Gallup Poll, proving their mammoth popularity with the general public. 6.5% of people polled picked Crayon Pop as their favourite singer of the year (ahead of G-Dragon and BIGBANG, who flopped with a measly 6.4%), while 7.9% picked “Bar Bar Bar” as their favourite song. In terms of official rankings instead of percentages, Crayon Pop was ninth favourite singer overall, and had the third favourite song.

In other words:

Nation’s Girl Group Timeline: Wonder Girls (2007 – 2009), Girls’ Generation (2009-2013), Crayon Pop (2013 – Infinity)

Yas!

  • Guest

    Crayon Pop cured me of cancer.

  • SerferTJ

    As I was reading the title, I was so hoping Nine Muses were the ones succeeding.
    WHAT_THE_HELL.mp3 !!!!

    That’s ok, my girls are just too sexy for the charts. They’re in good company tho…
    http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/1220961/avril-lavigne-maxim-2010-o.gif

  • Jingle Jam

    LOL you’re so funny. I like your articles here and on popdust! So sad to hear that T-ara and Nine Muses’ comebacks aren’t doing too well. Maybe they should’ve made a comeback on January instead? So happy for Crayon Pop’s success this year. I’ve been following them since they released Bing Bing. Didn’t even think that they’d make it super-big but I still felt that they had potential.

  • MIKEE

    This is bullshit!! How are the two greatest groups of all time flopping so hard!!
    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fMCXYGXB2F4/UCSag45zTAI/AAAAAAAAKRU/mhJ5UXymEZU/s1600/Soyeon+T-ara+Crying+GIF+(2).gif

  • png

    Such a shame, my hope for a Nine Muses #14 peak is gone.
    Strangely this group and SNSD are really popular with girls.

  • Dub

    Well, it is December and Christmas time. Koreans want their ballads, slow/midtempo songs and shitty Christmas songs (not counting Slayon Pope). They’re not here for happy dance and disco music. It’s a shame really.

    #justicefor9muses #justicefort-ara

  • TerriDesu

    Korea has zero taste in music.

    • 364Leinad

      ikr? They’d rather listen to Miracles in December which is somehow the worst song of EXO’s entire career so far or Bom and Hi’s complete butchering of All I Want For Christmas Is You
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvI89r8Tt9s

      • TerriDesu

        I cannot watch that video,Park Bom’s face is unbearable.

        • Josh Chinnery

          YG probably realized that the song was total shit, so he tried to do something eye catching in order to get sales.

  • Marhaebwa

    I am in love with Crayon Pop! But I thinking about something the other day: the day Crayon Pop comes back with a sexy concept….
    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m09y0rR1Hq1r5gvg1o1_400.gif

    • 364Leinad

      Well we already know that Ellin would be able to flawlessly pull off the sexy concept thanks to Bumkey’s anthem of life, “Attraction” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeVmk6SAMvA

      • Marhaebwa

        I am now incredibly thirsty for sexy Crayon Pope.

        Also was that queen Dohee from Tiny-G and “Reply 1994” as one of the extras?

        This is fiyah!

  • KingBeaArthur

    T-ara noooooOOOooooo!!!!

  • HeraldC

    That’s bad news indeed, but it’s okay. What is one stumble in a long path of a career. T-ara will prevail! If only, it’s on January though…maybe it’s different.

  • Josh Chinnery

    How can What Should I Do be flopping? That song is EVERYTHING!!

  • Nicole Naeun

    What is wrong with netizens seriously? They prefer those boring ballads than Nine Muses’ perfection that is Glue? Glue is no doubt the best Nine Muses track this year (yup, it is that good that it’s better than Dolls to me).

    I can see why T-ara’s flopping tho. Something about DYKM just didn’t click with me. It sounds more like a really good remix of an old song rather than an actual single. Doesn’t mean it’s bad, but to me, it’s not as wig-snatching as No.9

  • mcf

    Disappointing to see Nine Muses and T-ara’s songs doing poorly. It probably wasn’t a good time to release non-Christmas songs.

    But I’m happy to see that Crayon Pop’s single is still moving up the charts. I see it is at #8 on Instiz and #13 on Melon as of right now.

  • bryonyben

    crayon pops lonely christmas actually reached #6 on melon by christmas day

  • AlanaKang

    who is supporting these bitches in the helmets?
    that shit is soo corny!
    they look special ed…

  • lolita

    who is crayon pop? never heard bout them and their song. is they good?