SECRET Plastic Surgery
SECRET, who most of you will know as one of the top five best girl groups in K-pop, are back with a new single called “I Do I Do.” They’ve also got some fabulous new faces to go along with it.

Sunhwa and Hana’s fresh looks seem to be the work of the surgeon’s scalpel, while Ji Eun and the world’s most beautiful/cute/sexy woman Hyosung probably just dieted like crazy to achieve their perfect V-line jaws. All of Ji Eun’s weight goes straight to her face, so I’m guessing she hasn’t eaten for a couple of weeks, while Goddess Hyosung has already previously admitted that she only eats one meal a day.

Sunhwa’s always sucking and tucking something on her mug, and she gets hotter every time she does it — Soyeon style. Hana, on the other hand, peaked physically with her plastic face around the “Poison” and “Talk That” eras, but now looks one more nose job and jaw-shaving away from becoming the next LaToya Jackson. Ilbe really needs to stop funding Hana’s facial reconstructions through kickstarter campaigns!

Plastic surgery aside, “I Do I Do” is giving me life. It’s basically just the Christmas-y wedding version of “Starlight Moonlight” or “YooHoo,” which makes it great. I know a lot of international fans prefer Sexy SECRET to Saccharine SECRET, but I love both equally and am always blown away by whatever the group puts out.

The music video is one of those iconic one-take jobs. It looks a bit LOEN-esque with the styling and totally murders EXO’s overrated “Growl” MV. The absurd choreography has SECRET flapping their arms like birds and then having some kind of seizure, which is also superior to whatever EXO did in “Growl”.

“I Do I Do” isn’t doing the best on the real-time charts right now, but after seeing how badly T-ara’s been flopping with the pop perfection that is “What Should I Do?,” I’m just glad to see SECRET ranking in Melon’s top fifty. Hopefully “I Do I Do” will end up having a tonne of longevity like “YooHoo” did. If not, then I guess it means that Korea still hasn’t gotten over that one time Hyosung accidentally misused the word “democratization” during an interview, which therefore means that all Korean netizens are retards.

R.I.P FAT SECRET