Miley Cyrus Adore You Video
Stop watching re-runs of the sterile I Am Britney Jean Vegas commercial, stop being sucked in by Beyonce’s clever marketing and shameless publicity stunting, and stop trying to convince yourself that Katy Perry isn’t completely embarrassing, because The eMpress is BACK.

Legend M’s “Adore You” music video prematurely ejaculated online today (Christmas day, American time — best Xmas EVAH!), marking the third consecutive visual masterpiece to come off of 2013’s best black rap album, Bangerz.

After going for shock value with “Wrecking Ball,” I was expecting “Adore You” to be a classy, clothed affair that would allow the music to speak for itself (“Adore You” is, after all, next year’s best ballad). Instead, we’ve got Miley masturbating and bathing erotically while filming a solo sex tape. But it works!

After intentionally making a farce of female sexuality with “Wrecking Ball” and the VMAs performance, it’s a powerful thing to see Miley pulling a 180 and showing the same subject as a beautiful by-product of love. It may be bold, but “Adore You” successfully captures the kind of uncontrollable, all-enveloping passion and desire that’s experienced when in a loving relationship.

I just wish that maybe she’d toned it down a tad. I mean, we’ve all had a bat while thinking about that special someone, and most of us probably filmed it for them, but Miley is serving straight Stoya for Digital Playground realness in some scenes. Some of the porno-esque moments might cloud the real message behind the video for some people — especially for the haters who are generally too stupid to fully understand Legend M’s true genius.

Whatevs. Perfect song, almost perfect video, perfect pop star.