Eunjung What Do I Do
It was only a matter of time before the chilling events depicted in Eunjung’s award-winning film, White: The Curse of The Melody, would one day come true.

For those of you who haven’t seen Eunjung’s semi-autobiographical blockbuster, White is a cinematic prophecy that tells the story of a struggling Korean girl group that lip syncs, bullies one another, sleeps with wealthy sponsors, and has a member addicted to plastic surgery. After flopping harder than 2NE1’s “Do You Love Me,” the girls suddenly become overnight sensations after plagiarizing a song they find recorded on a strange old VHS tape that has the power to make people stan for whoever performs it. Unfortunately, whoever sings lead on the track not only has to wear a tacky white wig and matching outfit as part of the concept, but also has to suffer a gruesome and mysterious death at the hands of some unknown force. By the end of the film, Eunjung becomes a solo act after all her greedy bandmates fall victim to the brutal melody of the curse.

Now, two-and-a-half years after the movie broke global box office records, Eunjung is back –white hair and all– with a new cursed melody to hypnotize us all.

Like “White,” T-ara’s new single, “What Should I Do,” is a cover of an unknown song that was accidentally found recorded on a strange old VHS tape. Apparently Qri discovered it uploaded onto Youtube while surfing for kawaii acrylic nail tutorials or something.

Just like “Roly Poly,” “What Should I Do” uses the same iconic retro-electro genre that was invented by T-ara and is unable to be successfully performed by any other artist but them. It’s a sound that’s so addictive and enchanting that there’s no possible way that it could’ve been forged by anything other than sorcery and the supernatural forces of the Negaverse. It’s actually the reason why Tuxedo Mask dumped T-ara in “No. 9” — he simply didn’t agree with them entering The Dark Kingdom.

Besides Eunjung’s mesmerizing Madonna hair, there’s several other pieces of evidence in “What Should I Do” that prove the song’s deliciously demonic origins. There’s Boram, who clearly made a trade with the dark side to receive more than half a line in the song. I believe she probably gave them the phone number of the witch doctor that’s been ageing her in reverse for the past few years.

Additionally, Qri can be seen carefully observing a magic potion cleverly hidden in a wine bottle that she concocted after watching an old episode of Sabrina, The Teenage Witch.  And there’s also Jiyeon, who is wearing a golden crucifix in one scene — clearly an object she used for some kind of occult-like ritual.

I can’t forget Soyeon, either, who knocks a group of grown men over with a simple air kiss. That actually wasn’t through witchcraft, though — they were just so stunned by the blinding perfection of her new face that they fell over from the sheer force of her beauty.

Anyway, here’s my official score for T-ara’s comeback out of 10.

Music: 10000/10 (iconic retro-electro genre that only T-ara can do).

Vocals: 10000/10 (shat all over Mariah, Whitney, Celine, Adele etc).

Concept: 10000/10 (ground-breaking never-been-done-before musical concept that’s better than Cats, Swan Lake, West Side Story, Liza With a Z etc).

MV: 10000/10 (visual masterpiece that will win Best Long Form Music Video at next year’s Grammys)

Overall score: 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000/10

K-pop’s No. 1 scandal-dols stay slaying like they never left the top tier while your overrated fave continues serving mediocrity. Stay mad.