Eunjung What Do I Do
It was only a matter of time before the chilling events depicted in Eunjung’s award-winning film, White: The Curse of The Melody, would one day come true.

For those of you who haven’t seen Eunjung’s semi-autobiographical blockbuster, White is a cinematic prophecy that tells the story of a struggling Korean girl group that lip syncs, bullies one another, sleeps with wealthy sponsors, and has a member addicted to plastic surgery. After flopping harder than 2NE1’s “Do You Love Me,” the girls suddenly become overnight sensations after plagiarizing a song they find recorded on a strange old VHS tape that has the power to make people stan for whoever performs it. Unfortunately, whoever sings lead on the track not only has to wear a tacky white wig and matching outfit as part of the concept, but also has to suffer a gruesome and mysterious death at the hands of some unknown force. By the end of the film, Eunjung becomes a solo act after all her greedy bandmates fall victim to the brutal melody of the curse.

Now, two-and-a-half years after the movie broke global box office records, Eunjung is back –white hair and all– with a new cursed melody to hypnotize us all.

Like “White,” T-ara’s new single, “What Should I Do,” is a cover of an unknown song that was accidentally found recorded on a strange old VHS tape. Apparently Qri discovered it uploaded onto Youtube while surfing for kawaii acrylic nail tutorials or something.

Just like “Roly Poly,” “What Should I Do” uses the same iconic retro-electro genre that was invented by T-ara and is unable to be successfully performed by any other artist but them. It’s a sound that’s so addictive and enchanting that there’s no possible way that it could’ve been forged by anything other than sorcery and the supernatural forces of the Negaverse. It’s actually the reason why Tuxedo Mask dumped T-ara in “No. 9” — he simply didn’t agree with them entering The Dark Kingdom.

Besides Eunjung’s mesmerizing Madonna hair, there’s several other pieces of evidence in “What Should I Do” that prove the song’s deliciously demonic origins. There’s Boram, who clearly made a trade with the dark side to receive more than half a line in the song. I believe she probably gave them the phone number of the witch doctor that’s been ageing her in reverse for the past few years.

Additionally, Qri can be seen carefully observing a magic potion cleverly hidden in a wine bottle that she concocted after watching an old episode of Sabrina, The Teenage Witch.  And there’s also Jiyeon, who is wearing a golden crucifix in one scene — clearly an object she used for some kind of occult-like ritual.

I can’t forget Soyeon, either, who knocks a group of grown men over with a simple air kiss. That actually wasn’t through witchcraft, though — they were just so stunned by the blinding perfection of her new face that they fell over from the sheer force of her beauty.

Anyway, here’s my official score for T-ara’s comeback out of 10.

Music: 10000/10 (iconic retro-electro genre that only T-ara can do).

Vocals: 10000/10 (shat all over Mariah, Whitney, Celine, Adele etc).

Concept: 10000/10 (ground-breaking never-been-done-before musical concept that’s better than Cats, Swan Lake, West Side Story, Liza With a Z etc).

MV: 10000/10 (visual masterpiece that will win Best Long Form Music Video at next year’s Grammys)

Overall score: 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000/10

K-pop’s No. 1 scandal-dols stay slaying like they never left the top tier while your overrated fave continues serving mediocrity. Stay mad.

  • James Smith III

    Yass Yasss Yassss and I love that Soyeon got more than just the Chorus SLAYARA FIGHTING

  • Michael Henry

    This is one of your best articles yet! ♥♥♥♥♥ So much slayage all over the the place!

  • byoing~byoing.

    M/V Synopsis:
    Slay-ara is running a joint prostitution/night club business where HBIC Jiyeon uses supreme doll seductress Qri to seduce unsuspecting drama stars into dancing with her before she lures them into a back alley and strangles them with her $2 weaves and takes all their money. Upon successfully luring that guy from I think Reply: 1994 or whatever into the alley, Jiyeon goes to the club and has a little dance party in the hallway to celebrate the fact that your faves could never. Upon arriving at the club and telling her fellow members that it’s time to open up the club, Hyomin becomes agitated as she used to be the one who seduced the men, but as Qri is T-ara’s new leader and obviously more beautiful, she has been replaced. To relieve the tension, Eunjung aided by Boram decide that a dance party would be a good idea. As the girls in high spirits enter the streets to scout for new men to seduce, they come across 5 unsuspecting men and as Qri reunites with them after burning the corpse of the drama star she has killed and scalped to make new hair extensions, they begin to seduce the new victims. However, Soyeon aka ‘better-than-your-faves-botched-chin-implants-Park-Bom-we-all-know-who-I’m-talking-about’ sees their dancing techniques start to falter so she releases the extreme power of her new nose job to slay the lessers in order for the scalping to begin. When returning to their chamber of beauty, Qri returns the police’s phone call and insists that her line of ‘human hair’ hair extensions she runs on the side to aid her nail polish addiction is actually only horse hair and she doesn’t give a fuck what the police reports say. After a successful day of murdering and slaying every other irrelevant bitch in the K-Pop industry, T-ara return to their club to get crunk and dance the night away.

    When will anyone’s faves be so amazing? Never.

  • William Love

    This comeback is only proof that T-ara will continue to scalp your talentless faves for years to come! I’m hoping the sheer number of slayed victims will convince Qri to open up a fabulous new store, “Qri’s Weaves”. OUTRE COULD NEVAHHHH

  • BadB*tch

    Agree with you 10000000%

    • I think probably “Like The First Time,” Bo Peep Bo Peep” or “Cry Cry” or “Lovey-Dovey”. Omg they’re all so flawless I can’t even choose

      • BadB*tch

        Agree, “Like The First Time” is such a cherry poppin classic! My fav T-ARA song!

      • hahaha i knoooooooooooooooooow!! “like the first time” is so etheral and flawless! if it were recorded by some western pop ho it’d be like one of the greatest hits of all time! somehow i think kylie slay doing an english version of it

  • TerriDesu

    Yass Slay-ara YASS!This comeback makes 2no1’s new song sound like shit.

  • Dub

    Hey baby yo baby yo! Hey baby yo baby yo!

    EunjUNF slayed! Boram slayed! Qrishna slayed! Slay-ara slayed!!!

  • UncleFan

    Hyomin’s “bunny style” doo rag is my new God.

  • KingBeaArthur

    Another impeccable hit! I don’t know how they do it! Shinsadong Tiger is a goddamn warlock!!!

    My girls Hyomin and Streep Eunjung ended my life @ 6:10!

  • t-errorist

    Omggggggggg. This video is everything!!!! I love the street walker hussy concept. ♥.♥

    Soyeon’s new face has finally settled and it looks so gorgeous! Pork Bum eat your heart out. Qri makes her return to star of an MV and absolutely annihilates her leading actress role. Jiyeon looks hot as fuck. Eunjung and Hyomin’s dance break is the dance break of the year. Boram was Boram.

    Perfect comeback. I agree with ur fair scores.

    • omg! all my lesbians vibes go CRAZY at the sight of jiyeon!! how come maknae’s grown up to become such a DELICIOUS SEX TART!

  • t-errorist

    Also, oddly, I like the ballad version a lot more. Them vocals. :O

    • They made Whitney Houston pressed from the grave with that singing. She almost rose from the dead to make a comeback coz she could hear T-ara overshadowing her vocal legacy

    • TerriDesu

      I agree,Soyeon’s vocals are everything!

  • Dub

    Dude! http://omonatheydidnt.livejournal.com/12247185.html

    Apparently they didn’t like the overuse of the word slay, of which I am mostly guilty.

  • HeraldC

    I don’t even – this review is over 9000! LMAO. Why are you so hilarious when it comes to T-ara? This song is damn addictive, it got me possessed. Been abusing that replay button since last night. XD

  • Strawberryicon

    beat sound like a retread.
    Very underwhelmed. No. 9 is better.

  • gotgotgone

    I am in love with this. I became a fan of them, when they released Roly Poly so I have always know them as a unit of 7,but I really feel like the group works better with 6 members. Lets hope the next mini album they release is better than the last, while No9 was amazing everything else was devastating.

  • Michael Henry

    My brother and me just watched the White: The Curse of The Melody a few minutes ago on Netflix and wow… That was one of the worst movies we’ve ever watched LOL If it didn’t have Eunjung & Junho in it… damn… She did better than the 3 other girls for sure XD

  • “…while your overrated fave continues serving mediocrity.”

    THAT’S ALL!

    t-ara’s easily the most fun group to follow nowadays. they own these over-the-top concepts like the pros they are and somehow maintain the quality high as if they were taking all this shit seriously. they’re AMAZING!

  • Queen’s for T-ara

    T-ARA NEVER DISAPPOINT