T-ara Nine Muses
Let me check Metacritic and Wikipedia to see what pop albums non-K-pop fans have to look forward to in December. Um, there’s Britney Jean. Barf. Some Emeli Sandé EP. Double barf. And there was a Karmin album due out, but it’s been pushed back to next year. Did the lead single flop or something? Anyway, I’m still gonna give it a QUADRUPLE TIMES INFINITY BARF, just because it’s Karmin.

As for me, I’m gonna get my life to the LEGENDARY T-ara on December 3, and the GOD-LIKE Nine Muses on the 4th.

Slay-ara’s just dropped an MV teaser for their new single, “Do You Know Me?,” and it’s all kinds of epic. Hyomin has pink hair, Eunjung’s revisited her White: The Melody of The Curse days by going platinum, and if you head on over to T-ara World and check out the behind-the-scenes photos from the video, Qri’s rocking curly pigtails and a beret.

YASS!

The teaser is for a ballad, but I guarantee that the real song will have some epic beat drop and turn into another typical T-ara hook song. The retro musical concept they’re doing for this comeback is going to hypnotize Korea and K-pop fans everywhere like it’s the “Roly Poly” syndrome all over again, and the haters will just have to deal.

I already know that this shit is gonna be even better than “Number Nine,” and since “Number Nine” was a perfect 10/10, then that must mean “Do You Know Me?” is gonna fall somewhere between an 11/10 and a 10000/10.

The Nine Slayers surf-pop masterpiece/Rainbow “A” knock-off “Gun” somehow flopped harder than G.NA’s tits without a bra, so the Fine Nine are rushing out a new digital single called “Glue” in the hope that people won’t forget about them by the time 2014 rolls around. I feel like they should’ve just made this a Prima Donna repackage, but stupid Star Empire probably couldn’t afford to manufacture any more physical albums.

The audio in the group’s “Glue” teaser is giving me discofied Daft Punk-meets-Jamiroquai realness with a twist of the underrated “Who R U,” while the visuals are serving erection-inducing class and sensuality.

In other words, if your fave isn’t Nine Muses, then you suck at life and should kill yourself.

Apparently this comeback is rated 25+, blowing the widely-used Korean 19+ rating out of the water. Who else but the Nine Gods could restrict a single to everybody under the age of 25?