Sugababes Split 2013

You know how some people have a really old, decrepit pet, and its fur is all patchy and it’s blind and stinky and biting people because it has no idea what the fuck is going on, but the owners don’t have the strength to put the poor thing down even though its clearly in severe pain? That’s the Sugababes.

But don’t feel bad for them, because I’ve got some good news: They’re finally going to split up! For good! It’s not 100% official yet, but if Jade Ewen is to be believed, it will be soon.

Take a look at what she told Digital Spy this week when asked about a Sugababes comeback.

“I don’t even know if the band stuff is going to happen again, if I’m completely honest,” she revealed. “I think Amelle wants to do her own solo stuff, Heidi is doing a Happy Days musical… I think we’re pretty much done.

“I’m working on solo material at the moment actually. It’s only come about in the past three weeks, so it’s quite a new project.”

Thank fucking god. (About them splitting up; not about Jade going solo. Ew.)

With Mutya Keisha Siobhan back in action and slaying the complete shit out of every critic and demographic on the planet, there’s just no need for a Sugababes comeback. It’s sad to know that the group that started with the impeccable “Overload” had to end on “Freedom” — possibly the worst song of the 21st century, bar “Get Sexy”– but that’s just how the cookie crumbles sometimes.

Oh, by the way, Jade also says she wants to do a tour featuring all the Sugababes members, old and new, but the chance of that happening is about as high as the chance of her and Amelle having successful solo careers (i.e. zero).

Of course, let’s not all get too excited just yet. Knowing the Sugababes, they might just tell Jade to piss off with her solo aspirations and hire a replacement. If they bring in Jamelia, I’d be down for Sugababes 5.0.