Bonnie McKee GMA

Madonna beat Gaga, and now we want to see the next Gaga,” Abraham says. “It’s exciting. It feels like Bonnie could be next.”

The above quote is taken from a new Billboard puff piece about Bonnie McKee and her mission to become pop’s next big thing. Yes, someone actually believes that Bonnie McKee could be the next GaGa.

I feel a little bad for writing another post about how Bonnie ISN’T going to be the next GaGa/Katy/Ke$ha/Nicki/Lana, but someone needs to spill some true tea around here, and as usual, I’m the one that has to do it.

In the Billboard article, Bonnie’s label tries to convince us that radio was gagging for “American Girl” before it had even been serviced, all because of the single’s celeb-filled lip-sync music video. “… what was a soft launch became an explosion,” the label said about the supposed impact of the video, which has amassed 1.2 million Youtube views to date (not 1.5, like Billboard wrote). Sorry to burst everyone’s bubble, but 1.2 million views in a month for a video that features Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Adam Lambert, KISS, Joan Rivers, Kathy Griffin, and a million other famous people is not that impressive. “Call Me Maybe,” it certainly ain’t. Even Crayon Pop’s “Bar Bar Bar” has garnered more views in the same amount of time. All that those 1.2 million views says is that Epic Records and Bonnie McKee tried way too hard to create a huge viral video and failed.

The rest of the article is just quotes from Epic and Dr. Luke about their marketing strategies and how they’re trying to turn Bonnie into a solo superstar, but I don’t think any of them actually believe what they’re saying. I think they’re sincerely trying to make something happen because Bonnie’s done so much as a songwriter and has a lot of connections at this point, but nobody but Bonnie herself really believes that she’s going to blow up. Epic’s probably hoping that this whole thing will just be over soon so she can get back to writing hit songs for their big artists.

Billboard puts another positive spin on Bonnie’s solo campaign by mentioning that “American Girl” is rising at radio, but they fail to mention that it still isn’t in the top 100 of iTunes. I get that it takes a while to build a song, but you’d expect “American Girl” to have at least cracked the lower end of iTunes since it’s currently No. 33 on Billboard’s Mainstream Top 40 airplay chart. Is the plan to just keep spinning the song more and more until people are finally brainwashed into buying it? We’ve seen it happen before, so I wouldn’t be surprised.

Moving on from Billboard, did anyone catch Bonnie’s “American Girl” performance on Good Morning America? Vocally, she sounded fantastic and outsung most of the girls she’s written for, but I still didn’t see a star on stage. It was just awkward: Caroline D’Amore was DJing in the background, and Bonnie looked like a mish-mash of Ke$ha and Katy on Halloween.

I love “American Girl,” I really like Bonnie, and I’d much rather see her make it big than many others out there (just need to reiterate that so y’all know I’m not a hater), but this whole thing is just not gonna happen. Maybe if Bonnie hadn’t sold her signature sound to Katy and had debuted a few years ago with this image, then I could see something possibly popping off for her, but now the boat has sailed.

Can’t she just be satisfied with a hit songwriting career and releasing great pop music on her own terms, without actually having to be the next Lady GaGa or whoever the latest flavour-of-the-moment is? Bitches be aiming too high these days. I blame Glee.