Pawn Shop Chronicles Poster Ashlee Simpson

2013 is the year of Ashlee Simpson’s comeback.

Of course, we all know that Ashlee Simpson is never really going to make a comeback. She’s destined to live out the rest of her days as a pop culture relic of the mid-2000s and nothing more, but it’s fun to pretend that one day the hoodie-wearing “Hot Stuff” songstress will shake the washed-up monkey off her back and return to the top of the pops where she belongs.

A mere seven months after the release of her smash hit single, “Bat For a Heart,” Ashlee’s back at it again, but this time she’s not topping the charts — she’s topping the box office! The Undiscovered actress, who previously won acclaim from me for her role as Violet Foster in 2009’s short-lived Melrose Place reboot, stars alongside a few flops like Elijah Wood and Paul Walker in what may or may not be the biggest movie of the summer, Pawn Shop Chronicles. The trailer for the film was released last week, and Ashlee appears in it for approximately zero seconds (give or take). She’s not listed on the poster, either, nor is she mentioned in the “about” blurb on the movie’s official Youtube page. The only reason I even know that she’s in this flick is because she mentioned it TWICE while promoting Fiji Water from the safety of her private cabana at a pool party event in Las Vegas last year.

The only reasonable explanation for this oversight (which I’m officially dubbing “trailer-gate”) is that somehow Demi Lovato and Miley Cyrus must have teamed up to sabotage the Kween’s return to the silver screen. Come to think of it, those two jealous expletives are probably behind Hilary Duff’s non-comeback, too.

#DownWithDemi #JusticeForAshlee