Bonnie McKee American Girl Feature

We’re all pop fans here, so I don’t really need to preface this Bonnie McKee post with an intro about how she’s Dr. Luke’s right-hand woman who’s co-written the bulk of his best hits, from Katy Perry’s timeless “Teenage Dream” to Britney’s “Hold It Against Me.” Right?

Good.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I’m gonna go on record and say that I don’t think Bonnie McKee the solo superstar is ever going to happen. Not because I don’t like her (I actually like her quite a lot), and definitely not because I think she lacks the skills or drive to make it. She’s one of the most ambitious pop divas I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched her spend the last three years doing everything and anything to get her name out there, from her webisode series Breaking Bonnie┬áto her attempts at getting tabloid attention by wearing hideous hooker outfits to major award shows. She’s great and talented and all that shit — I just happen to think that she’s the new Skylar Grey, not the next Katy Perry.

With all that said, Bonnie’s re-debut single, “American Girl,” is pretty fucking amazing. It’s the epitome of formulaic, calculated, made-for-radio-but-still-fucking-epic pop, which can basically be said for almost every song that Bonnie’s ever written before. You’ll crank it up in the car with the windows down and sing at the top of your lungs, you’ll make it your ringtone, you’ll do the whole hairbrush in the mirror thing. Even if you’re a hater and try to deny the divine power of “American Girl” upon first listen, it’ll still get lodged in your head and turn you into a stan before the day is through.

Bonnie’s given the song a massive launch by getting every celebrity that she’s ever met, passed briefly in a hallway, or seen in a magazine to star in one of those annoying lip-sync music videos for it. Seriously, I’m not exaggerating — she even got KISS and George fucking Takei to appear in this thing. It’s supposed to make the song go viral, like how Scooter Braun forced Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez at gunpoint to make that video for “Call Me Maybe” so Carly Rae Jepsen would get famous and make him lots of money.

“American Girl” is going to get millions of Youtube views, and Luke and Bonnie’s contacts at radio may get it some good airplay and eventually turn the song into a real hit. But just ask Keri Hilson what happens to songwriters-turned-singers once the gimmicks and celebrity connections run out.

Please prove me wrong, Bonnie. I know you’ll read this because you’re the type to have yourself on Google alerts.